Friday, February 25, 2011

My Fake IDs

Being the goody two shoes that I am, I never had much experience with fake IDs. I'm not sure how I managed to get through my underclass years without a fake, but I must have been too busy hanging out in the library with my chemistry friends to really care about the bar scene.

This year however, I have a new fake ID every week. Let me explain.

Prior to going on a LC visit, I send an introduction letter to the chapter. It includes a brief biography, what forms the chapter needs to complete, and a list of very general requests. My three requests are:

1) Start meetings at 10 AM (if possible) to allow working out in the morning
2) A guest pass to the campus gym and a chapter member to escort me there every morning
3) A t-shirt or other fun Kappa item to add to my collection

First semester I had some additional requests and the current #2 was not in there. Believe it or not, "allow working out in the morning" was not a big enough hint that I wanted to workout in the morning. Adding the second request has made things much more clear.

I have learned throughout this year that many university gyms either a) do not have guest passes or b) their student workers have no idea if they do have guest passes. As a result, nine times out of ten, I am given some random chapter member's student ID to use for gym admission.

More often than not, I can get a hold of the ID of someone who I could pass as. While I rarely look like the person, I try to remind myself that if I was a senior in college, I probably wouldn't look that much like freshman "me" anyway.

Sometimes I get a girl's ID who has stick straight hair. Fine, I'll wear it straight that week.

Sometimes I get a girl's ID who has really blonde or really dark brown hair. Fine, people dye their hair.

Sometimes I get a girl's ID who is a little chubbier than I am. Fine, I'll puff out my cheeks a bit while I give a closed mouth smile.

Once I got the ID of an Indian chapter woman. WHOA. That is where I draw the line. I realize that student workers at the gym don't look closely, but no one is THAT stupid.

I'm not sure if the bar scene is so easy, but I have become a pro at sneaking into university gyms.


  1. Bahaha! This post is amazing.

    But, beyond the ID craziness, I want to know how much Kappa swag you have collected over the past six or so months?!

  2. I sure hope the "chubbier" girl doesn't read your blog.